Onsen Trip
by Vampyre Heartbreak
Summary: Constellations!verse. Pre-Sasuke. ShikaSaku friendship. This is the story about how Neji became Nejika. Involves a woman's yukata, mango-scented shampoo, and a suspiciously-locked door to a gay men's onsen... Complete. T for mild language.


I finally got around to writing this! This happens to be a personal favorite of mine, so far. I'm going to try to get the next chapter of Constellations up as soon as possible...

Has been beta'd by my lovely copper-sama.

* * *

"Hey, Sakura…"

"Yes, Shika-kins?"

"This seems like a really bad idea."

"Oh, really? How could tricking Neji into going into a gay onsen, locking him in, and then switching his kimono for a women's yukata that's one size too small _while _taking the clothes he came in _possibly_ seem like a bad idea?"

"The sarcasm's hardly needed, Sakura."

"Sarcasm's always needed, Shika-panda."

"Shika-panda?"

"Yes. It's your new nickname. Do you like it?"

"No."

A pout. "So mean. You and Ino-pig are meant for each other, lazy ass."

A vein pulsed in the ruggedly handsome vampire's temple. "So troublesome." The phrase was tensed.

The short-haired pinkette giggled before shushing her partner-in-crime loudly, almost drunkenly. "Quiet. We don't want Neji to hear us."

"You mean hear _you._" Shikamaru muttered, though Sakura had no trouble hearing him and shot him the bird before creeping into the men's changing room as quietly as she could manage, the silk fabric of a pink and green woman's yukata clenched tightly in one hand. A quick sniff of the room led her right to Neji's basket, where a dark brown men's yukata hung next to it. It didn't take long for the pink-haired vampire to switch out the two yukatas before snatching up any and all clothes from his basket and stuffing them into the bag at her side.

She was about to leave when she paused, considering. "Do you think I should steal the other clothes as well? Y'know, just to make sure that Neji _has _to wear the women's yukata?" She whispered hoarsely to the prone pineappled-haired man. Shikamaru didn't acknowledge her at all. "Oi, Shika-pups!" She raised her voice ever so slightly, though it probably wasn't audible to the other vampire who was currently locked into the onsen with about twenty, old, gay, and very horny men. Screams echoed from the high walls of the onsen and Sakura muffled her snort of laughter.

Shikamaru's eyes shot open at the ridiculous nickname and he scowled at her. "I don't _care _what you do."

She stuck her tongue out but proceeded to steal all of the other clothes and yukatas. Stuffing the clothes into the bag, she crept over to where Shikamaru was resting against the wall and refrained the urge to smack him. The sound of their diamond hard skin hitting would surely have been heard by Neji. "Hand me the spray paint, Shika-candy."

She forced him to hold the bag of clothes before taking the cans of spray paint and wandering to the opposite wall. She examined the wall for a minute before nodding, as if deciding on something. "Got it."

She pressed on the button to let the paint out, and in gigantic scrawling letters, she proceeded to write: "HAH HAH HAH! THIS WILL SHOW YOU TO STEAL MY MANGO-SCENTED SHAMPOO, YOU INSUFFERABLE ASS!! THAT STUFF IS FIVE BUCKS A POP, YOU DICK!!! BUY YOUR OWN!!! SIGNED --- SAKURA-CHAN AND SHIKA-KUN" over the wall and floor, right where Neji would walk in and see it.

"Oh _hell _no." Shikamaru saw the part with his name, and immediately snatched up the paint can from Sakura's stained hand and immediately started to try and block out his name, though the paint in the can ran out and he was only able to get the 'kun' part out. "…Dammit."

Sakura burst into laughter as she rushed past Shikamaru to grab the abandoned bag of clothes. "C'mon, loser! Let' get the hell out of here so we can be long gone by the time Neji sees this!" She called, shoving past the door and placing a 'Closed for Cleaning' sign on the door. Shikamaru followed her. "Oh wait." Sakura paused, before vanishing to unlock the door to the onsen in a blindingly fast movement before bursting past Shikamaru in a flash of speed. "C'mon, Shika-chan!"

Shikamaru took one last lingering look at the graffiti-ed wall and sighed. "We are so dead."

* * *

The door to the Hatake household was blown off its hinges by the wrath of a woman's yukata-dressed Neji.

Sakura looked up leisurely from the book she was (pretending to be) reading and observed the door on the other side of the house. "You're paying for that."

Neji's nostrils flared as his breathing labored. "You….Shikamaru….dead…" he struggled to get out, fists shaking in fury at his sides.

Sakura just studied him apathetically. "I should get you a nose ring. But like a cow ring so when you start acting up and Tenten can't find her whip, I can just yank on that to stop your rampage." She stated thoughtfully as a response to his fury.

Neji stared at her for a few minutes, nonplussed by her unusual response before shaking his head. His long, brown-black hair framed his face in an almost feminine manner. "I'm going to kill you and Shikamaru," he said slowly.

A slow, mischievous smirk curved Sakura's lips. "You should wear women's clothes more often, Neji. That yukata looks really good on you."

Neji roared and launched himself at her and she leapt off the couch and bolted out the back door. Once she was in the back yard leading to the mountain behind their house, she paused for a moment. "Come and get me, big boy." She paused for a moment, pretending to consider. "Or should I say girl now?"

Neji snarled and raced after her. With a carefree giggle, she bounded through the trees and towards the mountain. Out of her family, she was the one who spent the most time outside and therefore knew the trails better than anyone else. Both she and Neji knew this, though his fury blocked his normally collected thinking. She would probably just lead him on a chase until he gave up.

* * *

Some time later, Sakura sat out on the back porch with Shikamaru, studying all of the broken, knocked over, or the remains of trees that had been snapped in two to be launched or even the holes where trees that _used _to be there were. "Wow. Neji really did a number, didn't he?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "It's your fault for egging him on, Sakura."

"Pish-posh. He shouldn't have stolen my shampoo."

"You had three more bottles under the sink."

"So? He still shouldn't have used it." She stuck her tongue out at him childishly before lying on her back and looking up at the stars in the black velvet sky.

"Whatever. Did you hear that we're moving again?"

"Yeah. This time to Billings, Montana, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's a shame. I kinda liked this place."

"Least you won't have to learn a new language."

"I already _know _Japanese, Shika-mango."

"Nevertheless." He sounded unrepentant. Sakura laughed again.

"Hey, Shika. Wanna know what we should have done when we were at the onsen?"

"You mean what _you _should have done when we were at the onsen?" Shikamaru revised. Sakura shot him an irritated look. "What should we have done?" He relented with a low, muttered 'troublesome' afterwards.

"We should have tossed in condoms into the onsen before leaving. I know Neji likes ribbed, lubricated ones." Sakura burst into laughter.

"…I don't _want _to know how you know that."

**Fin.**


End file.
